Thursday, February 08, 2007

Love Is The Air

Love is in the air.

I shot the bitch out of a cannon.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Master of all I survey

I've finally arrived. I'm master of all I survey.

If only I weren't so near sighted.


Monday, November 13, 2006

A Dingo Ate My Bloggy!

Please, excuse the lack of posts lately. Late one night a dingo crept into camp and carried off my bloggy.

After months of tireless tracking and crawling through underbrush, I've managed to wrest it back.

It's gone a bit wild -- it likes to tear at the raw meat before I can cook and it tends to scratch with its foot -- but overall, I think we're in good shape.

Blogging will now proceed as scheduled.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Funniest Man On The Web Poised To Take Over TV

Sir Peter Maxwell. I've called him "possibly the funniest man on the Internet."

Those who have followed Sir Peter's emergence from shadowy behind the scenes figure to public phenomenon will remember the furor caused a few years ago when he started writing a series of controversial articles. Some even say "the world shook."

Now Sir Peter has ramped up his campaign of shocking revelations and side-splitting* satire by leaping from the computer monitor to your television screen.

Yes, Sir Peter is now a television star.

"Maxwell: Inside the Empire" takes you behind the gates of Sir Peter's Gloucestershire mansion and introduces you to his life and world. You'll get an inside taste of wealth, privilege, aristocracy and how the world is really run, all with as sharp an eye on the funny bone as you will ever find. It's an excellent introduction to this comedy genius.

Right now you can see exclusive free clips from "Maxwell: Inside the Empire" at either or Google Video. I highly recommend you do.

Why are you still reading? Go visit Sir Peter.

No really, what is wrong with you? Don't you know how to take good advice when you hear it?

Oh, for the love of pete, do I have to click the mouse for you? CLICK HERE NOW!

* DISCLAIMER: Neither Sir Peter nor this site are responsible for any actual "side-splitting" that may occur. If you have an impaired sense of humor, please consult with your physician before viewing. There is no truth to the rumor that several people have laughed so hard that actual injury resulted. Your guffaws may vary.


Sunday, February 19, 2006

Why Doesn't It Come "Pre-Slitted?"

I'm making one of those crappy 50ยข pot pies. (Not that 50 Cent. Eminem's protege isn't yet hard up enough to start hawking frozen food. Another film flop like Get Rich Or Die Tryin' and you should be able to purchase "Fi'ty Fish Sticks" at any convenience store near you.)

The instructions say to cut a slit in the top before cooking. I forgot to.

Now I'm pissed. It's the 21st freaking century and I still have to cut my own slit? Why don't these mo-fo's come pre-slit?

Hey, Fi'ty! That's a good catchphrase for you, homie.

"These mo-fo's come pre-slitted." (Huge grin, sell it for the camera, Curtis.)

Word out.


Friday, February 10, 2006

OMG! A Nipple!

Speaking of "whipping one out so the kid can have lunch," there's anger and vituperation flying after a Victoria's Secret store threw a woman out for trying to breast feed.

Considering their philosophy, this shouldn't be surprising.

As anyone who's minutely examined a Victoria's Secret catalog with a powerful magnifying glass can tell you, they mark each piece of gratuitous breastage with the label: "For display purposes only. Not for actual use."

Since "nursing" is a synonym for breastfeeding, is it any wonder so many men have nurse fantasies?


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

What's The Big Deal About Britney?

So there's this big fuss because Britney Spears was photographed driving with her baby in her lap.

What's the big deal? Air bag in front, air bags in back. The kid couldn't have been safer.

Now if she had whipped one out and let the kid have lunch at the same time I could understand the uproar.

After all, we all know you should never drink and drive.